Hey fellow wives and moms! Do you ever stop and think “I’m not fun anymore?” ME TOO. Let’s talk about what to do about it!
In case you’re new here, or just hadn’t noticed yet, I love being a mom. LOVE it. Motherhood is a precious gift and it has brought me so much joy. But, I have to be honest: it’s changed me too.
The gift of motherhood brings with it a lot of responsibility. There are so many new things to think about that you probably never thought of before, from the big important things like choosing a good pediatrician to the million little things you have on a running list in your mind all day. (Is it time for Johnny to go potty again? When did the baby eat last? Have the kids had any veggies today? Oh no, I forgot to switch out the laundry!)
Besides the new responsibilities, you now carry with you more of – I don’t know exactly how to say it . . . an emotional load I guess. Because as Elizabeth Stone so aptly puts it, having a child “is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”
In the midst of all the responsibilities and emotions you may stop one day, look in the mirror, and realize that you’re different. And you don’t feel fun anymore.
Maybe it also has to do with my personality, but sometimes I think “wow, I’m such a boring person now.”
I never plan afternoon events because NAPTIME. I don’t want to go to any late events (read 7 pm or later haha) because it will mess up my kids’ bedtime.
My husband goofs off with the kids and I hush them because the baby is sleeping. They start horsing around and I tell them to calm down in the house.
Come on Rebekah, lighten up!
My husband loves playing games but half the time I feel like I don’t have enough brain power left by the end of the day to enjoy one and we end up watching a show instead.
Basically, a lot of times I don’t feel like a fun wife anymore.
Now, I know I’m not the only person to ever feel this way, so I reached out to some fellow wives, asking them what they do when they don’t feel fun anymore.
I so loved hearing from each of these women! Here’s what they said:
I always try to remember I am a wife first. My husband is very funny and he keeps me laughing every day . . . I hope I always laugh with him and at him. – Bethany Armstrong // Book Review Mama
I definitely have days where I don’t feel like I’m fun anymore . . . It’s kind of like I’ve lost part of me. When I start feeling this way it’s time for me to turn on some music and dance around the house. – Angela Green // Dust Bunnies and Tabby Tales
When I start to feel this way, I know it’s time for a date night . . . When we can get that stress-free, quality alone time together, then I find that I can slip back into fun wife mode much easier. – Sarah Gates // Servant Mama
Nothing does the trick better for me than stopping to take a moment to think up a creative way to flirt with my husband. – Rhonda White // Her Christian Home
When I start feeling this way I have to very intentionally make time to do something fun with [my husband.] I put all our devices upstairs and we hang out and play a card or board game. – Lydia Woods // The Evergreen Woods
One of the biggest things I[‘ve] learned [is] to stop seeking distractions and show up for my life . . . to let go of entitlement and anxiety and ruthlessly seek out joy. – Shawna Scafe // Simple On Purpose
After thinking through this topic a good deal and reading all of the above advice, I have three takeaways for myself and for you!
1. Be Intentional
Can you plan to be fun? Yes of course you can! I love what Cassie from True Agape says:
Creating passion and fun in your marriage can be as easily as creating variety. That can look like a new meal, a spontaneous date, or leaving surprises around the house for your man. It can be easy to get busy and forget to create variety in your marriage. But it’s okay to put a reminder in your phone! We do it for other important things so why not this!?
Schedule time to just talk and dream together. Call a babysitter and go on a date. Leave yourself a note to leave your husband a note haha. Take a little time to brainstorm ways to have fun with your hubby. Or better yet, ask him! Be intentional.
2. Be Creative
This picture has been floating around the internet for a couple years. Why does everyone love it? Because it’s fun and creative! Now, maybe a nerf gun war is totally not your thing, but the point is to think outside the box.
Plan dates outside of your norm. Go to a water park. Do one of those breakout rooms. Take dance lessons together (something I’ve always wanted to do with Pablo!) Play laser tag.
Don’t have money to spend on a special activity? Build a tent in the living room once the kids are in bed, then watch a movie and cuddle. Play a silly game together. Turn on music and dance (the more ridiculous you look, the better!)
3. Be Adventurous
Learn to lighten up. It’s going to be okay if the kids go to bed late. (I’m talking to myself here!) It’s okay to spoil everyone’s dinner with a treat occasionally. Being adventurous means being spontaneous and flexible.
For example, one 4th of July when the oldest two kids were really young we decided super last minute to keep them up late to go watch fireworks. I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea but I decided to just go for it and you know what? We had so much fun! And the kids did great. And even if they hadn’t, it would have been fine.
Be an adventurous wife! Flirt with your husband, even if you feel ridiculous haha. Try new things together. Laugh together.
I love what Megan from No Small Life says:
There’s a hidden danger when building a life with someone. If you’re not intentional, the person with whom you used to have THE most fun, can dwindle down into merely your business partner. For many of us, when we reach “maturity,” we can exchange our pursuit of all things whimsical for all the serious adulting attributes we now deem necessary to navigate our lives. But what if God designed fun to be the perfect antidote to counterbalance the pressures He knew we’d have to walk through in this life?
Proverbs 17:22 tells us that “a merry heart does good like medicine.” Obviously, life is not just about fun and games, but don’t be afraid to let your fun side peak out again. Your husband and kiddos will love you all the more for it!
Have you ever felt like you’re not fun anymore? What do you do to combat it? Have any fun ideas for me? Let’s chat in the comments! 🙂